5-27: My Annual FREEDOM FROM HELL Day

WARNING: Avoid this post ! This post contains unpleasant, sick material. It is very personal may NOT be helpful or entertaining to you. You may want to just skip it entirely. I believe mental illness is contagious, and this post describes depraved mental illness. I recommend that you go to a different post. Here goes: When I was young and dumb, a virgin at 18, I married a devil, Gene. Being young and stupid about people, I did not even recognize that he was a bona fide paranoid schizophrenic with severe BPD - personality disorders as well as multiple drug abuse. I had no idea that it was possible for people like him to even exist. I had been loved and pampered by my parents and teachers and was praised and admired by everyone for eighteen years. I won awards and contests and was first in everything, your outstanding "good girl". Imagine my shock and surprise at the first abuse when I was suddenly back-handed hard, right across the face, unexpectedly and without reason. An instant transformation from Teachers' Pet to Prisoner-Slave. I had no one to guide me, no parents, no aunts, no uncles, no grandparents, no friendly adults to tell my troubles to, only three younger siblings with their own problems.
It worsened from there, my life was in danger many, many times with knives, guns and physical abuse. I miscarried from his beating me and kicking me in the stomach with hard boots. He loved to put out cigarettes on my torso where the burns would not show. He strangled me unconscious several times. He loved to play Russian roulette, pointing a gun loaded with one bullet at my head and pulling the trigger. He would put a thin towel on me and beat me with whips and belts and sticks on top of it since he explained that this would keep some of the bruises from showing. He kept a constant watch on me since he knew I wanted to escape, I could not even defecate unless he was standing over me with a loaded gun, usually cocked. His beatings would come without any cause or any warning or any schedule and in between them he would sometimes apologize profusely. He repeatedly threatened me and told me of the different abuses and tortures he intended to do to me. He would drive me to work or school and be waiting to pick me up, always stalking around the work or school peeking in and watching me. I was simply his prisoner. Although I did now know it at the time, I was conditioned into Pavlovian constant fear of death.
He was also a pedophile for young girls, age 6 or so and he would often go out and say he had been at a school or playground. I sat next to him in a Shakey's Pizza restaurant when he groped a young girl's vaginal area for a long time (she was too shocked and confused to do anything ) when he saw her father go to the restroom. When the father returned from the restroom, the girl told on Gene. The father called the police and Gene ran out to the car with the father chasing him. I silently prayed for the father catch him and for the police to arrive in time, but he got away. I was horrified at Gene and at one point was able to report to the police from a college phone but the policeman answering the phone refused to take his information and instead made fun of me. At that time I was too much of a young greenhorn to know what to do next.
He had many more sick depraved inclinations. He liked to hurt animals. After he tortured Jaspar, a gold cat I acquired, I made sure never to have any pets. I was properly brain-washed into constant fear of death. There is much more that I could say, but I will stop here because it is sickening relive this. Let me just say I wish Gene literally to burn slowly in hell. He was human in his body but not in his soul. He deserves to never have been born.
I finally escaped from him on May 27 wearing a blonde wig. I had arranged with a friend of a psychiatrist to get a ride to California straight from the last exam. I had met a psychiatrist at college in the lunchroom and told about my situation. I asked for help to escape. Gene did not work, like a pimp, he always took all my money from my work but over the years I managed to sneak some money into hiding so I paid the friend out of money I had secreted in the hem of a coat to let me get a ride with him. I had lied to Gene and told him the last day of school was the next day. Back then, it was difficult for me to tell any lie even when my life was in danger. This is how stupid young people can be. Needless to say, I had a bad case of post-traumatic stress disorder for many years.
So you can see that May 27 is a holy day to me, a sacred day of freedom and liberty and healing. For years now I use this day to feel joy and to meditate and be grateful. I know now that "No one can do anything to you unless you let them" ( a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt who did not live by it) and I regret my stubborn promise to myself to stick with it and make my marriage work. I strongly believe in divorce. I wasted years of my life with unnecessary suffering but I am grateful that I finally ran away. "Geography is everything" - a quote from the serial murderer Ed Gein. Joy, optimism, meditation/prayer, moderation, mobility, service, love.

Community Chorus and Community Band

We went to an evening concert: Such talent, it was nice and in a wonderful setting - the Paramount Theatre ( www.paramount-abilene.org ). Free, but we gave a $20 donation. The community has established the Celebration Singers, Inc. with 501(c)(3) tax deductible donations and The Abilene Community Band. The performers are all free volunteers and the donations support college music majors. This is such a good idea, I wish all communities would do this.
The full chorus performed some Broadway numbers, and then some soloists and three different sextets sang. The band played several songs and one was really a tickle - a tuba and piccolo duet.
The third portion was the chorus and band performing together. This was the first time I have seen two conductors perform simultaneously. At one point, the chorus and band performed the same songs and the band conductor and the chorus conductor stood side by side and each conducted their group at the same time.
The barbequed ribs came out great. The secret is long, slow, low temperature baking. I baked them in a covered clay dish which held in moisture and kept them tender and soft. It's almost impossible to over-flavor this way.
The sauce came out great. I used only three ingredients for the barbeque sauce: hot red pepper flakes, vinegar and sugar. The pepper flakes were so old and musty and flavorless that anyone else would have tossed them, but I thought of the Egyptian mummies buried with plant materials and of how plants were grown from those old seeds thousands of years later. The spirit of the plant is still there. So, anyway, I soaked the old pepper flakes in some warm water and charmed them back into life. The sauce was excellent.
I tried several times to see the movie, "The Last King of Scotland". Last week I found the book at the Salvation Army thrift shop for 69 cents so now I understand that I was meant to read, not see, this story. The book seems very well written and the author, Giles Foden, is a man in his thirties who now lives in London. Can you believe it, this is his first novel!!!
Oh, and by the way! On page 4 of the program for the concert was a full-page ad for Suddenlink (remember my 5-15-09 post on them?). The middle of the page said "Unlimited local and US long distance." $93.00 per month with inet and tv. What rats! Talk about adding insult to injury! I can't wait to switch my phone service.
Today I plan to cook liver and onions. I bought the grass-fed beef liver for $5 a pound at the farmers' market from slowpokefarms from Joy Hedges, our Weston A. Price chapter Leader. I will first slow-fry some thinly sliced onion in butter and when golden I will add thinly sliced strips of liver and salt and freshly ground pepper and will gently fry until done. I love liver, and it is loaded with B-vitamins and nutrients. Some dip their liver in flour, or gently pound it in flour a la Meuniere, but I prefer it plain. Yesterday I toasted raw sunflower seeds in butter and salt, and I may sprinkle them over the liver and onions. Or maybe just a sprinkle of parsley. We'll see.

Links to two good sites.

www.janicebrenman.com
A good legal/Anna Nicole Smith - Howard K. Stern/interesting news blog.
www.westonaprice.org
A wonderful site for good health. Nutrition. Recipes. Science. Trustworthy. I think it is my favorite source regarding health.

Perfume: Story of a Murderer

Saw the movie and recommend it, it was quite unusual, had Dustin Hoffman and the rest were unknown actors which helped make it more real. Accurate psychology of an abused child who matured into an adult lacking empathy for others so murder was of no consequence to him, he failed to bond or identify with other living beings.

I tried making perfume before and it was easy. I took lavendar flowers and leaves from my backyard and put it in my blender. I added olive oil (to absorb the essential oil - like dissolves like) and added vodka (a natural anti-bacterial to keep it from rotting) and ground all in the blender. I let it sit for a week or so. Then I strained it and bottled it. That's all, I did not distill as they did in the movie. The lavendar perfume lasted about ten years, and I still have some.

Next time I make perfume, I will try to use a fixative: orris or storax. Orris is merely iris root and it somehow holds odors. So dig up an iris bulb, carve it into a shape or cut it into small pieces and dry it slowly. I had one carved into the shape of a nut and odored with camphor and I kept it in a sweater drawer to repel moths. Storax is dried resin from the sweetgum (liquidamber) tree. So scrape off the drippings and dry them to hold perfume.

From the movie, which showed enfleurage techniques, I see I can use butter, lanolin, jojoba oil, basically any fat to absorb the flower oils. I want to avoid oils from GMO's since whatever is put onto the skin is absorbed into the blood, at least a small amount.

Today I plan to bake some beef ribs in the oven in a closed pan with a sweet (sugar) and savory (vinegar) sauce at a slow temperature, maybe 190 degrees F. for about six or more hours. It'll be barbequed ribs.

Mama's birthday - May 17, 1921

Honoring Bertha Darla Jean Slayton, my wonderful mother.
Thank you for all you did for me.
You always did your best and always tried hard.
You deserved much better than you received.
I so hope that your life improved dramatically after February, 1958.
I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU.

the Better Business Bureau - http://bbb.org

I should have started with the BBB. I wanted landline phone service and got a flyer in the mail from suddenlink advertising phone, internet and Tv for $93.00 plus tax per month. The flyer said "Unlimited local and U.S. long distance." those are the exact words. But the bill is for more, and after calling and complaining several times and getting a credit, the bill is still over the written promise. What is the worst thing is that DAVID SHERRILL said "I will call you back by May 5 for sure and we will credit you or not, but for sure will call you before May 5." Well, they never called. I wish I had immediately filed a complaint with the BBB.

May 15, 2009 - Jan's birthday

Happy birthday to you, Jan! Just heard Julie's dad is ill, condolences and a fast recovery wished. Health is so important, and I can tell a difference from what I eat. Tomorrow is the first day of the farmers' market and I look forward to buying. Yesterday I made my medieval baked dish of turnips, rutabagas, layered with sardines, anchovies, black olives and Jarlsberg swiss cheese. Charlie made a wonderful stir-fry dish of chopped cabbage and chopped beef sausage. We are waiting for a Netflix movie, "Captain Newman, MD" starring Bobby Darrin who was nominated for an Oscar for this role. We will probably receive it tomorrow. Just returned "Boogie Nights" which I had been wanting to see for years, it was not that good because the writing and plot were choppy but the casting was excellent. Jan's blog is getting a lot of action, go to www.janicebrenman.com and leave your comment.